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|+||====== Friday Jones ======|
|+||DOWN ON YOUR KNEES, MORTALS, AND BOW BEFORE THE PRESENCE OF THE GREATEST SALEWOMAN AND UBER-FEMME IN THE ENTIRE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS! In her tenure as J.R. "Bob" Dobbs' personal sales representative, Friday Jones has PERSONALLY made more money for the [[Church of the SubGenius]] than ANYONE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET! (Except for the SubGenius Foundation itself…but they're taking lessons from Friday on how to do it RIGHT!) Not only is Friday Jones a great saleswoman…not ONLY is she a babe and a half…not ONLY is Friday Jones the mastermind and guiding force behind many of the greatest and most unforgettable Devivals in all of SubGenius history…BUT! She is ALSO an amazing performer, Ranter, and Preacher extraordinaire! She truly came into her own as a Warrior for "Bob" at XX-Day 1999 when she humbled the infamous Yeti Racist, Papa Joe Mama. (Her acts of vengeance have already become the stuff of legends.) When Friday Jones tells you to jump, you WILL say "how high?" immediately followed by "How much money shall I give you for it?"|